He was searching for the Ineffable and Always Pure. And yet he was lost in doubts. He was longing for Escape and yet he coudn’t find it. Somehow he felt the way was there. And still he was depressed, his feeling wasn’t confirmed by experience. And then the Call was given him.
* * *
1 ‘ Little Holy Instant ‘
I went to visit Astrid during my chess tournament, taking place close to Groningen. Groningen was the city where Astrid lived then. I was playing in this tournament but I felt lost and hopeless. My financial situation was quite miserable ( we were renting student rooms with my brother Wawo in Antwerp having few month’s debts concerning rent for them ), what was worse, I haven’t seen the way out since my chess talent didn’t give me inner joy any more plus the earnings from it were also fractional. For the last few years I earned living by it, but it was barely enought to survive. We were both illegal in Belgium ( me and Wawo ) without right to work. And in that frame of mind I came to visit Astrid. She came to pick me up on the train station. It was evening. She was dressed in black coat. In her calm and warm voice she asked me:
– You had a good journey? – Yes, thank you – Did you wait long for me? – Not so…just 10 or 15 minutes
It was a bit raining than. But the air was fresh, scintillating with infinite beauty. She gave me a hug and invited me to the car. We were driving to the appartment and in the meantime she told me the events of her day. The appartment was close by, it took something like an quarter to get there. First we walked on the stairs. Than we entered into the big room on the first floor. We sat there on the soft cushions. We started to talk, yes…we talked in the car too, but now it was quieter and the full attention could be given to that moment, to sharing our hearts.
I started to pour my depressive thoughts, I was talking about the ‘dark side’ of C.G.Jung and about the goverment & powerful individuals slavering the rest. She was just calm and quiet, listening attentively. And suddenly IT has happened. When there was this tiny space in the stream of my thoughts, a flash of light appeared. Just as if for that second everything would burn. Everything known disappeared for that Instant. Now I know it was a gift from the Holy Spirit. I call it now Little Holy Instant.
Oh! Beloved Astrid, how grateful I am for this. The same evening few more lessons were given. When I asked her how she is doing, she shared with me that it is going very well with her :
– I am earning now 9.000 euro per month, that’s possible when you share freely with others. When you share. You can do it if you give up special love relationship. Relationship which is focused on the body ( sex ), giving in order to get.
I could hear compassion in her voice. It wasn’t the attitude of ‘you see I am so much better than you’, it was more ‘I want this freedom for you also, I want to share it with you’. Amazing, my brother asked me to borrow from her some money. During this evening and next morning I had the intention to say that, to ask her, but there was Something that didn’t allow me to do it. Just as if some kind of Light was around her which would dispell any attacking thoughts. So instead, I have painted for them pictures ( for her and her son Sebastian, yes…she did have special love relationship before ) and played a game of chess with Sebastian. At least I could give that.
For the courious reader I shall explain how did she earn all those money. She is a Herbalife distributor ( her website: www.explorefreedom.com/now ). I did try it before in Belgium but I didn’t like some people and wasn’t succesful anyway. That time I couldn’t imagine sharing for free. I assure you there were opportunieties to do so. It feels like dying. But in fact it is dying to the ego. And coming towards Spirit and Life. That’s where a miracle happens. And a meaning of the words below is known.
‘ I offer only miracles today, for I would have them be returned to me’ ‘All what I give I give to Myself’
Since I was already at the stage where I knew that everything comes from the thoughts, I asked Astrid to recommend me just one book. Just the best, the deepest, the most profound, I was too tired to be willing anything else. And she gave this answer :
– ‘A Course in Miracles’
Next day in the morning, when I was living them ( Astrid and Sebastian ), we stepped into the car, I started to feel something in my throat. I was resisting it but when we parted on the station I couldn’t any more. I sobbed like a little child, tears poured out from brown eyes, healing tears. It were tears of Lost Paradise, tears coming from the memory of separation, tears of pain and loneliness, and tears of gratefulness to finally be again on the way Home, to be on the right path anew. I knew, something very important has happened.
Two weeks later I asked her by e-mail to borrow me the book. Because I didn’t have a money to buy it, or so I thought. She sent me ‘A Course…’ by one distributor in her line who worked in Antwerp. And so I started intense study of the blue book with golden illuminations.
2 ‘ Great Holy Instant ‘
At first when I started to read the book I was confronted with a dark hate. Simply because the book stated that all of my suffering and limitations are self-made. Even thou there was this dark resistance, deep down in my heart I knew it was all true and I had an experience which was giving to me through Astrid. So I accepted the facts as they were and intently studied ‘A Course…’. And then after about three or four months, one night in small attic room on Sint Jans plein in Antwerp I was praying…and I heard an inner voice ‘it will happen tonight’, it was connected with a feeling in a body, a certain knowing that it is real. And a bit later when I was lying down for my meditation, after silencing the mind, I started to feel movement on the back of my skull, than tickling light in ‘third eye’ area. Just immediately after that I was pulled by it towards the back of my head…and then BOOM! Amazing! Blue light glowing all around me. It felt as if my body was a tiny dot somewhere there down and I was that Light. I was everything and all around me. It was so beautiful, so out of this world. I guess it lasted few hours but am not sure since you really kind of lose the sense of time. What I know is, that I slowly “swam down” towards the body. I went back to it again. Now I know it was a Great Holy Instant given by the Holy Spirit. Afterwards I was so motivated to reach Freedom, the final realase, Atonement. I wanted this experience again and for always, not only for myself, but for all. Because it is true, as ‘ A Course…’ states it: ‘When I am healed, I am not healed alone’.